You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's official drugs can't kill me
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
