I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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