I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize