I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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