Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
