hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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