But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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