I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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