I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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