I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
