i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
