Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So squirting runs in the family.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
