Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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