I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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