he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize