So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
not ubering you a puppy
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
