There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize