Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize