ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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