God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
