I accidentally burped into my bong.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
