hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
