Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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