Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
