I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
