I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
