I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
