dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't deserve a penis
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize