Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
