I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
