Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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