Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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