I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
