Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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