How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
