she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
