3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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