The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
