That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
