clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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