After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
