you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
