Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
