I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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