i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
