I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we have officially lost it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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