I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
