If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
