I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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