You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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