Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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