I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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