promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The uberlube is also flammable
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
