R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
