apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
