There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
