They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
