You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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