john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
