Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
