im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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