I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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