matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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