College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
