i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Randomize
