i just made my gag reflex go away.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
