I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
