THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize