Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
