The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
