the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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